Quarterly update!!!

OK, so giving the fact I come to write here once every blue moon, I've decided to name this post accordingly, as this this page has become just for my quarterly updates. Getting on with the task at hand, I will start with the most interesting news on to the least...or whichever comes to mind as I type, tomatoes - tom-A-toes. So I am an official proud owner of a BMW, a 2000 323ci BMW that is. She is a cool, sexy, classy, elegant, blue with light grey soft leather interior, whom Ive had the pleasure of naming...My Bitch! Now, before teeth start getting sucked, and heads shaken, I must explain the reasoning behind this rude, distasteful name. Ever since the first automobile Ive had the honor of calling my own, i struggled with names. My white putt putt, 88' Ford Tempo, was simply called, Putt Putt. The next hot mess on wheels I had, 94 Toyota corolla, was given the name "Icebox" cuz of its cool blueish green (gayish) color. Then, on to my pimp-mobile. The car that helped me enter my man-hood, she broke all the barriers and gave me plenty of ups, and plenty more downs, My Bitch, a 2002 Hyundai Sante Fe...She was given the name because at the end of the day My Bitch took care or me, and I in turn took care of my Bitch...I had to clean my Bitch, feed my Bitch, and most of all make her happy, because the happier she was, then I was just as happy. After having her for a few years, this concept grew on me. Now that I own my dream car, I feel obligated to pay homage to my Bitch and dub her replacement with the same name, just with a slight upgrade...My Blueatiful Bitch, it just sounds perfect.
Next on my fingertips is my experience at the serving job from hell, Cuban Pepe's (Not actual name.) I left my very comfortable,very stable, and no money making job at Red Crab (again, not real name) for this overly stressful, over working, disrespectful job that seems to have been modeled after a southern plantation. Granted, the money was AMAZING, I mean, make you wanna slap yo mama with a fat roll of twenties good, but the hours and toll the job would take on your body was ridiculous. The owner treated everyone there a was his own personal pawns in his real life chess game, willing to sacrifice anyone without thinking twice. The worst thing in life i feel is to go to a job that you have to walk on egg shells just to get through the day. Long story short, i owe that place a lot for allowing me to save up enough to get my dream car, but again spite it for leaving me without a job on a whim of the boss feeling in a bad mood. Oh well, as my good friend (one day) Jay-z would say, On to the next one!
Lastly...or whatever is left in me to type over this fatigue i am currently facing is life as a whole. I miss a lot. Want a lot. And in some cases NEED a lot. I miss my friends, miss my old self before i was chipped apart by a life draining 60 hour a week job, miss my pops being as strong as he once was, and miss the positive outlook i once had on life and everything it gave me. I want to be happy, I want to be in my career settled, I want to be stress free for once in my life, I want to be DEBT free and most of all i want everyone around me to be happy and smile, mainly because if that would happen i could stop worrying about them and start on myself. I need my career to begin (repeat i know, but its on purpose), I need my pops to get better, I need to be apart of something that will eventually change the world, but right now, i need to end this post!
2 Fingaz

-Waiting-

1,2,3,4,5 points on a star. A beautiful, shiny, chrome star. Ohhhhhhh how bad i want that star!

So its been 4 months since my panel interview and the process is now rolling along....sluggishly, yet moving. I signed form after form, met with my B.I. (background investigator), done both my medicals, and now just waiting for the next steps and then hopefullly that wonderful offer!.... Ever since i was in high school i always knew i wanted to get into law enforcement, but one agency in specific i always dreamed of being apart of, the Unites States Marshals. I cant recall what it was back then that attracted me to their agency, but i just knew thats where i wanted to be someday. Now that i recently graduated from college, i am taking the proper steps to one day having that star on my chest. As for now all I can do is wait, and train, and wait. I am slowly getting closer to having that CAREERE i mentioned in a previous post, and the smile on my face and in my heart is almost complete!

-TWO FINGAZ- \/,, (supposed to be a peace sign.....really look at it)
`

P90x-Treme ME!

20, 21, DO YOUR BEST, 22, 23, And FORGET, 24, 25, THE REST!!!!!!!



Ok, so I've decided to take a new journey of healthiness and attempt a 90 day program called "P90X " Basically, its 12 DVDs full of fun and ass-kicking calisthenics, it even has YOGA...yes my big uncoordinated ass does YOGA, and I actually enjoy it. Now the last thing I want to do is sound like an infomercial in this blog, but I chose to take this seriously and i have been thus far. Everyday i wake up looking forward to beating myself up for and hour to an hour and a half of push-ups, pull-ups, squats, lunges, jumping jacks, punches, kicks, curls, presses, warrior position 1,2,n 3,crescent pose and good ol' Mary Catherine's! Along with these exercises i had to change my diet...DUn DUn DUnnnnn (shocking sound) Changing my diet is not easy at all, especially because i like to eat...a lot...i mean a REAL lot! Food has the possibility of making or breaking my entire day! YES, its that serious. As much as i enjoy salads i cant completely live off them forever, its just not happening. But i cant take down as much grilled chicken and turkey as i can and all the bad crap, OUT. So fried foods are OUT, cheesy beefy gordita crunches are OUT :( , NY strip Oscars from Red Lobster are OUT, and the grand daddy of them alcohol, is OUT. Just like everyone i am human and i will slip up occasionally, but those are the things that keep me sane! I REFUSE to become an indentured servant to the side of boxes and the calorie masta' managing how much i take in and sodium and sugars and trans fats, and blah, blah, blah. So, i am making a "Lifestyle Change" the difference between that and a diet is that eventually, diets end! By completely changing EVERYTHING i give myself the ability to stay focused and on the right track. I am currently on day 15 of the program and still going strong, kinda. I am 5'9 and 215lbs....hopefully after my 90 days i will be 6'3 and 195.....I'm pretty sure the 6'3 part isn't gonna happen, but i can sure dig that 195.

PEACE!!!!!!

Thats Why...

Why is the sky blue? Why is water wet? Why, JUST CUZ. No one asks for the sky to be less blue, or for water to be more dry, they are the way they are...and I LOVE my blue sky, my wet ass water quenches MY thirst!!! The same goes for people, you are they way you are, and if thats just not working for you...well then sorry, u gotta be out! Just recently an extremely close friend of mine was in an awkward position as to how hard she should just put her foot down in everyday situations. THis naturally bothered me. For such a strong willed, unquestionable, brilliant, determined, young beautiful woman to feel displaced by who shes been since her existence in this world just upsets me. You are firm because you are much stronger then the typical female that mindlessly takes each day for granted, you earn you right to compete with the top, and this is fueled by ur firmness. Ur stubbornness guides you thru the paths in which you set for yourself and refuse to fall into the steps of anyone who has stepped in front of u. You have a temper because that is where all your passion is derived from, and without it you will simply take your undeserved place in line with every other female who chooses to not set paths for them selves, yet chooses to lay down and be walked over. I am proud to call you my friend, i am proud to be challenged by you and to challenge you, and i am proud to say that i have a friend that is not comparable to any other out there. As i think and smile to myself as i write this, i cant help but think of the text message i sent you and must restate it. I beg for you to not become another pushover, and remember without women like you, there wouldn't be any influential, ground breaking women in our history...so be proud of your firmness, increase your strength to only get stronger, fuel that temper so you will never submit, and most of all never contour to the typical means of society and become yet ANOTHER statistic...Thats WHY!!!
Love ya nigga PeP.

23 and young
23 and young but wasting away, not so literally but more figuratively in an unresponsive pause of growing young. thoughts of nothing run through my mind other then trying to find that base that stone that foot hole in the mountain i am so anxiously waiting to climb called life! ready to settle and begin but no path to follow, under my feet is no road i have chosen, and in front of me is a vast visual cloud containing nothing. wishing there was a monopoly "start here" square somewhere so i would be able to at least to get started. I have all the ambition in the world but nowhere to express that sense of positiveness or eagerness to learn. extending my hand but making a complete fist due to the lack of anything in my hand in which i seek aid! FUCKKKKKK, soooooo tired and thats when i write wierd ish like this! 5am happy turkey day goodnight! i just want my CAREER already ... :(

Undercover Blogger

I'm Backkkkkkkkkk....
Now it has been a long time since the slightest thought to bring my fingers to a keyboard and BLOG has come across my mind, but i think its about that time to recharge and try to reinvent myself through the sake of blogging. Much has happened since my last post, which i honestly cant remember what was, either the one of a random poem to a "friend" or an extremely poorly written blurb due to the lack of sleep. In that time i really cant say that I've discovered myself any more then i should have. I have come to realize a few things about myself that I am not to proud of.
I think it is utterly IMPOSSIBLE for me to ever be truly happy. For me to be "happy", whatever that means, I have to make everyone around me happy and we all know that's damn near impossible!!!! I love to make others smile even if the result of my actions leads to me not smiling. Now dont get me wrong, I'm no Jesus, i do have my selfish moments as we all do, but after my actions are done, i feel like ISH. I am kind of glad that i was able to realize this about myself because maybe I would be able to do things about it, like just completelty not giving a FUCK. thats a start. I am not bitter at all or even angry, but some things in my life are going to have to change if need to be able to SEE the changes in my life. That means ties will have to be cut, some bridges broken, but others created.
Just like the title of my blog i have yet to find the right road to choose in my life. As far as my careere i know EXACTLY where i want to be. (Law Enforcement, Ohhhh YEahhhHH) But another facet of my life is i have definitely been up TOO many roads. (Make of that what u wish ;-) ) I think very soon i am going to find a road and chill on that course for a while. Hey, u can never complain about a bumpy ride...
Ok, so i havent fully caught you up on what has been up with me but i promise i will get back to you, all none of you. THis is just me trying to start back up, dont judge...cuz u dont know how hard someone can be judging you...

- Work like you dont need money-
-Love like youve never been hurt-
-And Live like its ur Last-


-Duces!

**In My Pocket**

Coming at you from the heavens like an angel sent to your dreams, I make magic happen better then Mr. Copperfield. A tear running down you cheek shines brighter then a diamond of the crown that was taken off of my head put on yours just so you can smile more deep into both of our souls. The yearning for your love feels like a road that never ends my bare skin in your arms ur soft touch , fingers running down my back to the scars in my chest on my heart. lifted off like a crane put on your pile of troubles and you continue to march forward as if nothing can interrupt the flow of your stride legs moving simultaneously right, left, right, left, right into my love falling like u tripped over your heart or the shattered pieces of what is left of it. First woman i have ever adored ever closed my eyes and haunted by your love in my dreams or when i wake or when my eyes close to begin on the journey of the dream to your love... close my eyes and realize i have wings on my back because your love made me into an angel and a heavenly presence to embrace your affection and caring emotion that i would none the less take advantage of... im not the best guy and maybe not the right one but im a good one to love cuz i can guarantee i will make u you cry the questioun is if the tears you will shed be worth it my love..... this is one of the most jibberish blogs that i think can ever be written...my eyes have been slosed through more then half of this, FUCK ITT