Thats Why...

Why is the sky blue? Why is water wet? Why, JUST CUZ. No one asks for the sky to be less blue, or for water to be more dry, they are the way they are...and I LOVE my blue sky, my wet ass water quenches MY thirst!!! The same goes for people, you are they way you are, and if thats just not working for you...well then sorry, u gotta be out! Just recently an extremely close friend of mine was in an awkward position as to how hard she should just put her foot down in everyday situations. THis naturally bothered me. For such a strong willed, unquestionable, brilliant, determined, young beautiful woman to feel displaced by who shes been since her existence in this world just upsets me. You are firm because you are much stronger then the typical female that mindlessly takes each day for granted, you earn you right to compete with the top, and this is fueled by ur firmness. Ur stubbornness guides you thru the paths in which you set for yourself and refuse to fall into the steps of anyone who has stepped in front of u. You have a temper because that is where all your passion is derived from, and without it you will simply take your undeserved place in line with every other female who chooses to not set paths for them selves, yet chooses to lay down and be walked over. I am proud to call you my friend, i am proud to be challenged by you and to challenge you, and i am proud to say that i have a friend that is not comparable to any other out there. As i think and smile to myself as i write this, i cant help but think of the text message i sent you and must restate it. I beg for you to not become another pushover, and remember without women like you, there wouldn't be any influential, ground breaking women in our history...so be proud of your firmness, increase your strength to only get stronger, fuel that temper so you will never submit, and most of all never contour to the typical means of society and become yet ANOTHER statistic...Thats WHY!!!
Love ya nigga PeP.

23 and young
23 and young but wasting away, not so literally but more figuratively in an unresponsive pause of growing young. thoughts of nothing run through my mind other then trying to find that base that stone that foot hole in the mountain i am so anxiously waiting to climb called life! ready to settle and begin but no path to follow, under my feet is no road i have chosen, and in front of me is a vast visual cloud containing nothing. wishing there was a monopoly "start here" square somewhere so i would be able to at least to get started. I have all the ambition in the world but nowhere to express that sense of positiveness or eagerness to learn. extending my hand but making a complete fist due to the lack of anything in my hand in which i seek aid! FUCKKKKKK, soooooo tired and thats when i write wierd ish like this! 5am happy turkey day goodnight! i just want my CAREER already ... :(

Undercover Blogger

I'm Backkkkkkkkkk....
Now it has been a long time since the slightest thought to bring my fingers to a keyboard and BLOG has come across my mind, but i think its about that time to recharge and try to reinvent myself through the sake of blogging. Much has happened since my last post, which i honestly cant remember what was, either the one of a random poem to a "friend" or an extremely poorly written blurb due to the lack of sleep. In that time i really cant say that I've discovered myself any more then i should have. I have come to realize a few things about myself that I am not to proud of.
I think it is utterly IMPOSSIBLE for me to ever be truly happy. For me to be "happy", whatever that means, I have to make everyone around me happy and we all know that's damn near impossible!!!! I love to make others smile even if the result of my actions leads to me not smiling. Now dont get me wrong, I'm no Jesus, i do have my selfish moments as we all do, but after my actions are done, i feel like ISH. I am kind of glad that i was able to realize this about myself because maybe I would be able to do things about it, like just completelty not giving a FUCK. thats a start. I am not bitter at all or even angry, but some things in my life are going to have to change if need to be able to SEE the changes in my life. That means ties will have to be cut, some bridges broken, but others created.
Just like the title of my blog i have yet to find the right road to choose in my life. As far as my careere i know EXACTLY where i want to be. (Law Enforcement, Ohhhh YEahhhHH) But another facet of my life is i have definitely been up TOO many roads. (Make of that what u wish ;-) ) I think very soon i am going to find a road and chill on that course for a while. Hey, u can never complain about a bumpy ride...
Ok, so i havent fully caught you up on what has been up with me but i promise i will get back to you, all none of you. THis is just me trying to start back up, dont judge...cuz u dont know how hard someone can be judging you...

- Work like you dont need money-
-Love like youve never been hurt-
-And Live like its ur Last-


-Duces!

**In My Pocket**

Coming at you from the heavens like an angel sent to your dreams, I make magic happen better then Mr. Copperfield. A tear running down you cheek shines brighter then a diamond of the crown that was taken off of my head put on yours just so you can smile more deep into both of our souls. The yearning for your love feels like a road that never ends my bare skin in your arms ur soft touch , fingers running down my back to the scars in my chest on my heart. lifted off like a crane put on your pile of troubles and you continue to march forward as if nothing can interrupt the flow of your stride legs moving simultaneously right, left, right, left, right into my love falling like u tripped over your heart or the shattered pieces of what is left of it. First woman i have ever adored ever closed my eyes and haunted by your love in my dreams or when i wake or when my eyes close to begin on the journey of the dream to your love... close my eyes and realize i have wings on my back because your love made me into an angel and a heavenly presence to embrace your affection and caring emotion that i would none the less take advantage of... im not the best guy and maybe not the right one but im a good one to love cuz i can guarantee i will make u you cry the questioun is if the tears you will shed be worth it my love..... this is one of the most jibberish blogs that i think can ever be written...my eyes have been slosed through more then half of this, FUCK ITT

A beautiful woman whose name speaks of nothing but pure perfection. A woman deserving the entire world and all of its pleasures to be bestowed upon her, yet humble enough to accept and cherish all that she has been given. Like no other, she holds everything together as if she were the sole guardian of the universe. A strong, independent, wise, beautiful, loving woman whom anyone would be ecstatic to say they have any affiliation with, but I have the honor to call her my big sister. Teaching me from the smallest things of right and wrong I cherish my sister for ever giving me her love. A mother, wife, daughter, sister, but most of all the base to my family that holds us all together. Like the knot to the shoes of my sneakers she ties us down n keeps us together, and even if we trip she is real quick to tie us back up together. She is my TRUE woman role model present in my life. Having memories of good, and bad, fun and sad, happy and mad, and even mashed potatoes rubbed in my face, i know my sister will always be there to pick me up whenever I'm down. No matter what as I get older and if her and i relationship starts to fade, i know i can pick up the phone and call the first woman i ever adored to just put that smile back on my face.
I love my sister- Genevieve Mateo Belhamidi

Old Letter written to an old friend

Hey, ok I'm not too sure if u got my last message or not, but if you did and choose not to respond to me or maybe your just a bit busy, its fine. Just respond with a simple "ok." If you can't find it in yourself or your heart to respond then don't, maybe it is just not meant for a response, any more then a simple "ok." Maybe i hurt you to the point where you just cant think of anything to say to me any more, or maybe you haven't had the time to write back, or maybe u found someone to distract you from me. Maybe you found someone that makes you feel better then i ever had or ever will be able to. Maybe your laying with him as i am writing this to you, maybe you are at work, maybe you are partying and i am in the deepest section of your memory, but whatever it is i just want you to know i never stop thinking about you. I know you told me you weren't going to hit me up as much but a simple call to a friend would never hurt. I still wonder how you are doing. Not hearing from you always has and always will put thoughts in my head like, does she still think of me? From the last time we kissed did she still feel those "butterflies?" Is she now feeling those butterflies with someone else? I wonder if her ear is ringing at this very moment being that i am writing to her, and our love over the past 4 and a half years so strong that she can feel deep in her chest, in her heart that my fingers are moving expressing my thoughts and feelings just for her? Can she ever truly know how i feel? But first i have to know how i feel... OK, sadly, just a simple "OK" is all i ask for, my mind wanders, and my heart will break, write back how you feel, write back how you don't feel, write back a hi, or just write back a simple "OK."

Wow, i found this and something just made me want to put it up. I honestly dont think i was meaning to, but to me this letter had a kind of poetic flow. UPDATE: Her and I are still friends and she is graduating this semester. We dont talk as much as we used to but after the six years we were on and off when we do talk its like we never left our best friends side.

-NO HOMO-

So, i have this weird obsession with YouTube, as does every other internet savvy person in the world, but every time i go on i cant help but search for two things, Def Poetry (cool) and Jason Mraz songs (not so cool, in a no homo kinda way.) The Def Poetry has to be some of the coolest commercial poetry i have ever heard. The Nuyorican Poetry Cafe is also cool as hell but the poetry is not the issue at hand here. The issue is the damn Jason Mraz songs i keep wanting to hear!?!?!?!
MY current and ultimate favorite song for about 5 months and running is "Im Yours" by Mr. Mraz, and i am damn proud to say that. But why the hell am i listening to songs like, Geek in the Pink, or Please dont tell her,the no homo part comes in because his love songs that fill me up with some weird joy like, Lucky (banging song) and Sleeping to Dream. Let me throw this out there before some people start accusing me of being "SPRUNG" because i am definitely not, but its just weird to me how my genre of music changed drastically from 50 Cent to Fu**ing Jason Mraz? Regardless, i am not going to stop liking his music....but i will be throwing in a "No Homo" after i say it....NO HOMO....Thank u

HONORED!!!!

Well, not only have i enjoyed the benefits of being able to express myself in a different way with my new blog, but i am truly HONORED to be mentioned finally in a blog directly! "Mateo" ahhh, how lovely it is to be remembered!....like anyone can ever forget me...HA, I laugh! ok im kidding. Kinda. But i would like to extend a genuine thank u Salt. And, unfortunatly i am sooooooooooooooooo bored and have no writing motivation what so ever! My finals have been draining all of the energy i have to move my fingers across any keyboard for a while. It is now 2:24am and i am dumb tired so a direct thank u to an indirect person! PEace!

Mothers Day BD Blues......

Happy Mothers day to all you mothers out there... and to MY baby mommaz, i know i got a few out there somewhere!!! JK,JK, JK!!! But seriously, as a Red Lobster server this is the that day in which you look forward to, to take you out of whatever hole you put yourself into....to...lol.....But, it seriously sucks that we bust our asses all day BD-ing (business decline) to tip out just about half of what we make.... ok in all fairness the positions added were a great help in making everything run more smoothly, but come on.....a food runner for no damn reason for lunch?!?!?!?! and two food runners for the night when one would have been more then enough. Regardless, the night is finally over, and money has been made and i am now in the comfort of my bed procrastinating at my best to study for my French exam tomorrow, and watching the Shawshank Redemption.... all in the day of the Mothers Day Blues....Gnite

Dunkachino....

WOW....that is my immediate reaction when i taste this amazingly, thirst quenching, mouth wateringly (yes, i am aware not a word), blend of Dunkin Donuts coffee and hot chocolate mix, and my taste buds simply overload on an orgasmic roller coaster ride of flavor! I continue to nibble away at the foam chalice in which it is unjustly served because it is amazing until the very.....last........drop! This delicious beverage in which America runs on, should be served in a diamond crusted mug sent from the heavens to us mere mortals to enjoy.....yes, i feel this strongly about Dunk-a-chinos and nothing not nothing can take that away from me, because i am a Dunkin man, and "I" run on Dunkin.... thank u :)

Dedication!

OK... as it comes down to the end of the semester I am beginning to realize that the summer is right around the corner! WTF....I am in noooooo condition to be chilling in the beach or anywhere for that matter looking the way i do!!! I am currently 217lbs and extremely not satisfied with what i am displaying to the viewing public! I seriouslyyyy need something to be done, so what i chose to instill within myself is a little something called, "dedication." As of today i have been going to the gym consistently for 4/5 days a week for 2 weeks and one day. i am praying to the Ab Gods in the sky that this will be enough for me to sport a satisfying 2 pack this summer rather the the one large AB i have now :( ....... i have been speaking to as many "juicers," "muscle heads," and workout gurus as possible and i have not come to one specific regiment in which i should follow....so in this case i am just going to depend on sheer determination, dedication,discipline and prayer, along with a 35minute visit to a treadmill after every workout. OK, OK, not only is this 2pack goal necessary for the summer time, but i am one semester from ending my college career and looking to get into my dream occupation of Federal Law Enforcement! and no i am not looking to be the stereotypical fat cop! i want to be that Super Sexy, Big Papi, Special Agent Mateo i know i can be.....so for this dream to come true i have come up with a dedicated list of do not's: Alcohol, banging ass red lobster or CIP chicken wings, McDonald's double cheeseburgers, alcohol, late night eating, unnecessary carbs, fried food, and finally alcohol :'( so farewell amazing things in my life that will unfortunately keep me nice and ROUND and hello to: Grilled chicken, Protein Shakes, veggies, complex carbs, and as much fat burning exercises it takes to make me vomit! but don't 4get....this is what it takes to be


..................DEDICATED!!!...................

Some finished and UN-finished poetry

I Promise: by ME!

I promise to turn ever frown into that beautiful smile that shines off of your face.
I will dry every tear that has ever fallen on your soft cheek.
All of the hurt you have ever felt I promise to take from you and place the crown on your head to make you my princess...
My arms were meant to hold you and my chest meant to lay your head.
Your love is where I belong and in my heart is where you'll stay.
NO MATTER WHAT, I promise it will always be this way!

Untitled: by ME!..again

I can be your summer crush
the adrenaline in your veins that gives you a rush
but that's it, all i will ever be
As far as your eyes can gaze you will never know the real me
more deep, confused, and different then you'd ever think
I speak from the heart with words stronger then poison Juliet chose to drink
that is, the true rendition of a love story,
but with me as the main character the author could never write the ends glory!
nothing more then paper with no writing
I'm meant to be alone and I'm not even fighting
continuously falling faster then u can see
this love thing i s knocking me out like Muhammad Ali!
no one to my right, no one to my left
just seems all to familiar...time to put this poem to rest!

Ladies Man!?!?!?!?!

OK...as i sit on my bed and make repeated failed attempts to start on my homework due EARLY tomorrow, I cannot stop but thinking of being constantly referred to nothing other then a degrading and stereo typical "Ladies Man." Why might I feel so strongly against this word, you might ask? I mean, it really can be taken as a compliment some might say. well I DON'T!!! I would not, could not, and do not take any pride in being considered to all those around me as that label! How is it that I can be so quickly judged by the misunderstood actions I might involve myself in? OK, now before you go thinking that I am completely 100% shallow, let me give u a quick breakdown of how I was. Starting from the kindergarten I was the weird boy that ate glue and kicked the girls that I liked. Moving on to the third grade I was the attention seeker constantly getting into trouble, throwing and getting the entire class to spit and step on the jacket of the girl I liked and always being put in the corner, even when I did nothing! Fast forward to the 6th grade when I managed to "bag" my first girlfriend whom eventually started going out with another guy while I was out of school tending to a broken ankle that was caused by her from ice skating... THANK KIM!!!! The 4 months that I was out of school I gained a HELL a lot of weight! And this is where it ALL went downhill! With the two dollars my mother used to give me a day for school I would get a star crunch (25cent) an oatmeal cream pie(25cent) 2 bags of chips (1honey bbq and 1cheddar fries, andy caps, 50cent) a large bottle of cream C&C soda (75cents) and finally a pack of coconut or sometimes chocolate chip cookies (25cent)...all the way to high school.....I went in to the prison on the hill (Dickinson H.S) at 212lbs at 5'7....does that sound like a ladies man? NO....now don't get me wrong, I was still an "active" chub...but i blame this completely on my environment!...it took me 3 long years to finally grow a whopping 2 more inches and lose that "baby fat" and I was still never referred 2 as a ladies man!...not only should my entire weight issue take me off the charts as a ladies man but I was also in a six year relationship for the majority of my adolescence! ok...ill admit i wasnt always completely the most faithful.... but i was stil love lockdown! and even now that i am a "free soul" i still find myself with the same company every night...with the exception of a few visitors...lol so i feel i confused both you and myself in this but in the end i do not necessarily take offense to the term Ladies MAn....but i do fucking hate being called it!....cuz the fact is, if you really, truly, honestly, 100% sure, you would not call me a LM! So juss holla at me with any ?'s because if ur down to listen I'm up to speak!

INSPIRATION...

OK, so I'm really not the type of person to "BLOG" or have any type of creative insight towards anything...unless it walks, talks, or i can eat it! (FOOD, that is, for you pervs.) Now I have been INSPIRED to learn new ways to vent, and get my feelings out there. (Even if no one reads this) This inspiration comes from one of my good friends whose bond we have has been growing stronger and stronger, to the point I choose to create a damn blog! lol Just for blogging-sake lets refer to her as "Salt" ;) I have gained the role as creeper, by simply being so intrigued by her blogs I would randomly find myself reading them in my most precious and vulnerable moments (using the toilet), and I immediately felt motivated to do the same. I want to rant on about how I feel our new President is doing at his job, or how I feel when my professor looked at me the wrong way for walking in to class late, or putting my friends on BLAST in secret code names so that they only know who they are, and even post pictures of celebs to motivate myself to look better, and most of all share my feelings with the ones who care about me enough to take their time out and just read what i chose to write! So my new inspiration comes from Salt whom I never knew thought so vividly outside of the 4 walls in which we work or the bars we choose to hit after a long shift, and Sprague Library where...NEVERMIND....but I have now been inspired and lets just see how long this blog page goes for me, because I think the more I read of Salt or the more my eyes open to life as days go by and the more I choose to become savvy towards this great thing called blogging...the more interesting my blogs will become and i will hopefully be inspiration, to others!

Thanks Salt....
Ur nigga, Pepper! (I donno juss thought it made sense)